There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
