I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
