Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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