how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
