just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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