Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
