remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
