am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
