you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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