if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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