You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
