this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
