areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
