the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
