Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize