You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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