i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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