i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
