It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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