So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize