Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
