The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
