Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize