i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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