This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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