if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
