Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
