Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
