We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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