Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize