my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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