Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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