Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
