He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
