College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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