Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
