I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize