is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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