I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
