those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
