Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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