Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
