Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
