Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
