So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
