Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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