Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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