i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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