i jhust puked up my retainher.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
