I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
