How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
