put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize