he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
