fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
