You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
