I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
cat food counts as protein by the way
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
