So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
