This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
