ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
