you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
