Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
