I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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