you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
