Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize