you guys were way drunker than both of me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
