i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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