we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
