so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How external is "for external use only"?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
