She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
