Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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