What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
