If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
