Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
