I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
