my mouth tastes like poor choices
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
