i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize