garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
