I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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