So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
