i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
